Self-Sabotage: Our Self-Proclaimed Limitations
We often hear: He/she is their own worst enemy? We can observe from the “outside” how our friends fail to follow their own goals. How our friends talk themselves out of a promising opportunity. We experience their sadness, the anger at “failing” yet again, the depression and despair.
It is not only our friends who are “guilty” of this. We have done this many times to ourselves, believing that we are victims. Perhaps you have felt that the world is unfair and no matter how hard you work, things never work out for you.
We cannot change the lives we live, achieve our most inner dreams, and play our true role in society, unless we take ownership of everything that happens in our lives. Nobody can force you to be angry, fearful, insecure, etc. unless you choose to, and you do through your inner self-talk. The excessive chatter in our busy head is what “forces” us to be all those things we do not want to be.
Let us take this opportunity and put our goals under the magnifying glass regarding what can be our three biggest limiting beliefs.
• Belief #1: I am not good enough.
Should you choose to belief, and there is a very, very small percentage of people out there who do not hold this belief, that you are not good enough, you will unconsciously sabotage yourself in any endeavor that you view as big or important.
When we hold this belief, we will believe that we “do not have what it takes” to go after our most desired dreams and goals. This is where procrastination sets in - we will delay taking even the smallest of steps to achieve the best outcomes.
You will make excuses that you do not have enough experience. That too many people might apply for a position, so why even try? I am too busy; I just don’t have enough time to look at it at the moment. I am too old to qualify or achieve a degree/master’s degree/doctorate, etc.
The truth is, that a very quick search on Google will show there are many 90+ year olds who achieve their degrees, master’s degrees, and doctorates currently. If they can, they are here to be an inspiration to you. Time will pass anyway - how you apply that time is your choice.
There is not a business where any person can walk in and be without “short comings” for a particular position. Every person will need to learn something to be exactly what the business is looking for.
Each one of us comes as a unique individual into any situation. I can give you a fist full of reasons why any of the above excuses are not true. The reality is that you might have achieved part of this dream/goal already, you have only never combined all your skills and characteristics in this format.
• Belief #2: I am not worthy.
When we believe that we are not worthy, it has a reflection on our value. Personal, financial, emotional, etc. will all be devalued. This is a belief often held by “people pleasers”. A people pleaser is someone who mostly puts the value of another person above their own value and therefor they do not hold strong personal boundaries.
When we hold this belief, we take on too much in the workplace and at home. We make excuses for other people, and we deny our “right” to be heard and seen. When you constantly stand back for other people, you will be treated in a way that expects you to continue doing so. It is when you decide to suddenly stand up for yourself, that conflict starts, and the result is that you stand back again and allow the opportunity to pass you by.
You are likely to say to yourself: what is the use? It will always go in favour of A. You will complain and slam doors because you are overworked and tired, but rather than say anything, you will continue with your inner battle, because you have told yourself that you are not worthy.
It is not your responsibility to make other people feel good. It is not your responsibility to stand back for other people to achieve their goals. It is not your responsibility to pick up the “slack”. Your responsibility is to answer your dreams and goals by going out and achieving them.
• Belief #3: I am not deserving.
When we hold this belief, we will not allow good and abundance to flow our way. When you belief that you do not deserve “good” to come your way, no matter how hard you work it can never happen.
What about love? Love is not exempt here - you might enter one relationship after another, always feeling that you are not meeting the right person. And that will be true, as you will unconsciously choose the “wrong” partner time and again. And should you accidentally fall in love with the right person, your actions might drive a wedge between you. For example, not telling them about something you have arranged while they are making plans for a special treat for you and then springing on them at the last moment that you have already planned something else weeks earlier.
You will not get the position with the higher pay. You will be missing out on lasting and supportive friendships. This belief will see you with your wildest dream coming true, just to watch it slip between your fingers.
You are deserving of everything you want: good or “bad”. Your responsibility is to know that abundant good is waiting to flow to you and then to go out and focus on achieving that.
Our greatest blessing is at the same time our biggest burden - the right of choice. Everything we experience comes down to a choice we made along the way. Some of the choices we live by today, we made as young as 2 years old. Do you really think that choice should imprison you today? Some choices were influenced by society, you might have blindly followed never questioning.
So how do you find out if you are holding these beliefs and many other that will lead to self-sabotage. We have only touched the surface here. Believe me, with every client I have ever worked, these beliefs are running. They are the biggest stumbling blocks preventing them achieving their goals, but even greater, it prevents them from dreaming. Many walk into my office telling me that their future is blank, they do not know what they want for their future. The reason they feel paralyzed or stuck is because there is an inner voice telling them to go for it. They feel excited and truly want it, However, at the same time there is a voice in their head telling them they are not good enough, or they are not worthy, or they are not deserving, or any of the other hundreds of reasons they might have come up with.
So how do we let go of these limiting beliefs and follow our dreams towards a fulfilling and exciting future?
Start by asking yourself: what are the emotions withholding you from following your greatest desire? Within that emotion you will find the story you are telling yourself to avoid the emotion?
We do not like emotions of fear, doubt, hurt, guilt, rejection, etc. We will do near anything to avoid those emotions and the more we focus on avoiding them, the stronger they become. It is at this point that we will self-sabotage just to avoid the emotion.
Emotions are only a chemical consequence of a past experience. The past experience is done. You chose to make certain choices regarding the beliefs you want to hold, to protect yourself in the future. Just as you made the choice to hold the beliefs, you have the power to make the choice to change the belief.
I do not know about you, but that sounds like you hold all the cards.
Is that not liberating? It puts you in the position of power. It hands the blessing of choice right back to you. It means you are the master of your future - the powerhouse.
We are here to experience life through our emotions. All they are meant to do is to guide us as to what we like and what we dislike. That is it. Our emotions were never meant to withhold us from living our best life. Negative emotions are here to show us where we hold limiting beliefs about ourselves. They are a guiding teacher - they will continue as long as you decide you want them to, always holding the possibility of change.
Is it worth self-sabotaging your future, avoiding your negative emotions, if you are the master and the creator of the magnificent future you deserve? Use them as your “north” star, pointing you to where you need to change and grow, so you may find your place of abundance.
In the words of Dr. M.T Morter: “There is not a wrong way, only a long way.” The long way is denying your responsibility, struggling at it alone because you fear shame and rejection. Or there is the fast way - find a reputable life coach that you identify with.
Sue Leppan
Master Transformation Life Coach
NLP Practitioner
Qualified Energy Codes® Facilitator
Qualified BEST® Practitioner
