Why We React Instead of Listen
We listen to react. Why? Because we listen through our personal filters and we are ready to assume the answer must protect us.
STOP. Ask yourself what information is given to me?
We have all had our challenges in life and we live our life from surviving those challenges and navigating life so we can feel safe.
That does not matter whether is it real or perceived danger that we want to avoid. It is also true that being rejected, experiencing failure, loneliness, or guilt, are all dangerous to us.
We feel vulnerable and naturally we want to protect ourselves.
Yet, the person speaking to us has had their unique experience of challenges. They are in a process of protecting themselves while you are in the same process.
Considering that both parties might not be very clear on what they want to achieve, because the avoidance is a hope of achieving what they desire, miscommunication is very likely to happen.
If both parties, or even one can become clear on what they want from the relationship, there will be a shift in "what you hear".
When you feel safe in knowing who you are, and that implies that you know what you want in your life, you no longer have the immediate need to protect yourself.
You shift from protection to truly listening to the information that is provided.
The lack of safety we experience too often stems from us not feeling safe within our own bodies because we deny our personal needs to ensure we can be accepted and belong.
When you are safe within and you know what you want an amazing thing happens and the "right" people start to show in your life.
Always remember to be kind to yourself.
