Why Makeovers Seldom Work - 3 Pointers to Ensure Change
I have a guilty pleasure when I need to relax and give my mind a break. And that pleasure is to watch makeover programmes, like the Hotel Inspector, etc. I'm always rooting for the entrepreneur to succeed. When you then research, you find that the hotel more often than not has been sold and that the family could not achieve what they desired. I saw this happening when a local TV production offered a makeover to a small business where I lived. Despite the production company spending a lot of time and money, the business eventually returned to its old ways, and business again began to slow down. It's common to see women undergo makeovers, change their hair colour and style, receive fashion advice, and even lose weight. They seem motivated and transformed for a while but eventually revert to their old selves.
Why does this happen? We are introduced to the idea of constantly striving to improve ourselves from a young age. Our parents encourage and motivate us to always be the best version of ourselves. And this is what parents should do, no criticism here. With phrases like "I know you can do better," "You are better than this," and "Go out and do your best," we are guided to discover our potential. What defines our best? This is an impossible question to answer, as we are constantly growing and changing. What we couldn't achieve yesterday, we may very well accomplish today. Therefore, the target of what is our best is a constantly mutating concept.
We possess an inner drive to discover and constantly grow. On the flip side of this, we often fill our lives with limiting beliefs, often because we believe the words of society – whether it's from our schools, peer groups, family, church, etc. Without realising it, we internalise the fears of others and make them our own. We convince ourselves that we are not good enough and often talk ourselves out of our goals, believing that perhaps this is not the right time. We experience internal negativity even before an event has materialised.
All of these "confirm" to us that although we can work as hard as we can to be our best, we can never truly reach our fullest potential. Then an "Outside" opportunity arrives, like a makeover, and I believe that this is my chance. I have been searching for this breakthrough and for someone to encourage me. Someone recognises my potential.
Understand, I am not against any of these makeovers. I do think they give entrepreneurs the opportunity to see that they can be amazing. I think the intention would be to give them a hand and set them on a path towards realising their very best and biggest dream.
It's wonderful to receive validation and know that someone believes in our abilities enough to give us the encouragement we need. We all seek recognition and validation; it confirms and motivates us to continue on the right path. Unfortunately, the initial excitement fades, and we say goodbye to the "honeymoon period." We must now return to our daily routines, stay motivated, remind ourselves of our goals, and work towards our ultimate dreams every day. We may start seeking another source of dopamine, not realising that it cannot always come from external sources. Gradually, we settle back into our comfort zone of self-doubt and begin to undermine our own progress.
What actions will you commit to taking to ensure that your dream remains within reach when you come to this crossroads again?
1. The "Inside" creates the "Outside". It is difficult and takes a lot of hard work to create success outside in the wider world when our inner world is in turmoil and lacking.
We have learned to be motivated and validated by our outside world. We forget the skill we had as small children to be happy, no matter the day, the circumstances, or the weather. We might have been sad for a bit, but very soon we will find something to lift our spirits, and we are back on track toward our joy.
To us, it might seem silly and childlike innocence, and it might be. What I have discovered over years of internal self-work, through my clients and observing life in general, is that the more we want to control our outside world – every event, our family, friends, and colleagues – the more we are out of control within. And that control within is the power to find our peace, happiness, and joy. It is our inner strength to remain focused and motivated that we lose, and we want it back, so we want to “see” that we have control. Sadly, this often leads to broken relationships and sets us off on a track of disappointment.
When you feel the need to control your outside world, stop for a moment and feel the turmoil and fear within and ask yourself what it is that you feel “you might have lost within.”
2. You cannot sell what you do not own. Now that you are aware that you are actually searching for your power, you must own the limitations that you place on yourself.
In our daily speaking, it is easy to say, “You make me angry” or “You are working against me.” We give too much credit to the role another person plays in not achieving our goals or the emotional turmoil we experience. In effect, we classify ourselves as victims who are at the mercy and whim of other people. We become powerless.
This state of feeling powerless renders us open to manipulation and abuse. We constantly search for recognition and validation, and we become “beggars” to others and vulnerable to their non-reaction.
It is time to sit with yourself and hear all the limiting stories that you tell yourself. Listen to how you self-sabotage and notice how this leads to you not achieving your goals. When you break down all the stories, you will find that there is a strong belief running in your subconscious that is the trigger for all of this. A good coach will help you drill down until you find the core of this belief. You can do it yourself if you can be honest enough with yourself and face your fears.
3. What is your empowered belief? There is a general idea that implies that if you don’t know what you want, it is good to know what you don’t want. While in principle, I can understand this idea, it is perhaps one of the most destructive concepts to follow. If you even have the slightest inkling of the concept of The Law of Attraction, you will be familiar with the idea that “energy flows where your focus goes.”
The moment you allow yourself to focus on the negative, survival mode will take you down a pit into your worst possible outcomes. By default, we will more easily follow the negative than the positive. When my clients start to lay out the draft of their future, we no longer work on negatives. It is better to say I don’t know yet. I want to go as far as to say that if you find yourself on your downward spiral of fear and doubt, go and have a nap. When you fight against your negative or limiting belief, you give all your attention and energy to this belief. You cannot have a positive outcome through resistance. It is time to take hold of your mental steering wheel and make a ninety-degree turn in the opposite direction, towards your goal.
Sadly, most people can tell you what they do not want, and very few can tell you what they want. It is time to discover what you want from and for your life. Become excited about what possibilities are awaiting you. You have already achieved and mastered so much in your life; you are already a champion. It is time to start believing in yourself and take active steps towards your goals.
When someone gives us an opportunity, shows us they believe in us, and gives us recognition, it places a responsibility on us to ensure that we align with the recognition and validation we desire. It is good to receive validation and recognition; it is motivating and could enforce our commitment to our goals. It is important to remember to update the subconscious programming of lack and limitation as this will be our continued motivation long after the applause ceases. You don’t need to wait for a makeover; you can create your makeover today. Invest in yourself, be accountable to yourself, be committed to your personal growth, and become your greatest source of achievement.
Sue Leppan Master Transformation Life Coach NLP Practitioner Qualified Energy Codes® Facilitator Qualified BEST® Practitioner
