The Narcissist Thrives on Your Self-Doubt
The narcissist depends on your self-doubt to control and have power over you, and often this happens through gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a term from the 1940s movie with the same name, where a husband tried to convince a wife that she was insane.
When you have been in a relationship where this played out, marriage, work, friendship, etc., you will know that self-belief is a concept of insignificance for you.
You are always double checking yourself, constantly apologizing because you might be the one in the wrong, until in extreme situations, you start to question your sanity.
Here are the stages of gaslighting as suggested by Preston Ni (professor, coach, trainer, and course designer), the author of: How to Successfully Handle Gaslighters & Stop Psychological Bullying and How to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People.
• Lie and Exaggerate
• Repetition - repeating the falsehoods.
• Escalate when challenged - resulting in the receiver eventually avoiding any confrontation for peace.
• Ear out the victim - keeping you in survival and resulting in emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion.
• Form Codependent Relationships - Oxford Dictionary: "excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner.” Through your self-doubt, you become more dependent on the narcissistic abuser because you feel that you just cannot win. They are dependent on you to stay so they can feel strong, in control, and powerful.
• Give false hope - every person who has ever come out of a narcissistic gaslighting relationship will tell you: it was not always bad. The narcissist makes sure that they romance, create a storm and step in as the saviour, etc., to give you hope that things will change.
• Dominate and Control - You are now in a semi-permanent state of insecurity, doubt, and fear. The control, manipulation, and dominance is now near complete.
If you can find a small voice within during any of these stages, know that you are perfect. You are amazing, you are not the words “offered” to you through the perspective of the narcissist.
Give me a no-obligation call, and let us build you up into the star you are.
